I was looking at my myspace and stumbled upon this blog I wrote back in February. I read it and I am still in love with it. I wanted to repost it here because I think it should be shared.
I recently got my iPod back after it had been broken for most of the fall semester. I was excited to turn it on, but as I went to look through all my old songs, I realized every song had been deleted by whomever decided to fix it. I just sat there for a second trying to wrap it around my mind. I had so many songs on it, many not on my laptop for school. There were songs on there that I listened to every day on my way to school.
Graham Colton Band, Panic at the Disco, Pitbull, Rent Soundtrack, The Fray. I had Carrie's cd on there when I got her cd a few weeks early. So many songs, all held memories of driving down 95 with my brother sleeping in the passenger seat. Of nights driving to the beach with the windows down and my best friend in the front seat with me. Gone.
So, I just sat there. I kept going through artists, songs, albums. All empty. I used to have my playlists from our roadtrip to Alabama. My entire summer was on that iPod and now it was gone. Erased almost as it had never happened.
So, I sucked in a shaky breath and decided to just make due with a lot of the songs I did have. It took me almost two hours to go through my iTunes and choose exactly which songs I wanted on my iPod.
It had been a while since I had put my iPod on my iHome to play. I stuck it on shuffle and just let it play. And today while I read human sexuality, I could barely concentrate because every song was amazing. "That's How They Do It in Dixie". I stopped reading and couldn't wipe the smile from my face. We sang that on the way to Huntsville and even louder on our way back to Florida. Images of Kasey's pimp mobile and the rainstorm flashed through my head. I could hear all of the girls' voices singing.
Just when I thought I was okay to start studying again, "Sunglasses At Night" popped up. I started laughed and pulled on my shades from the drawer in my desk. I remembered how we still wore our sunglasses when the band came on stage, especially just for Ashley. I remember the roadtrip and all of us laughing because we didn't know all the words and we had heard the song at least four hundred times.
"Boston" started playing and I shook my head. No matter what, that song reminds me of Erin and my short time in Boston before the fateful Big E experience. "I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset."
I chuckled when "What You Know About That" came on. Now it reminds me of Kase and her obsession with TI. But if I think back, it reminds me of Annie and I driving around, trying our hardest to learn the rap lyrics, not understand half of what was meant in the verses.
My face fell when "Speechless" - The Veronicas played. It reminded me of Josh and the end of senior year. How I tried to put my heart wholly into something that would never work. I still can't listen to that song without cringing or changing it as quickly as I can. If I am brave enough to listen to it, I feel the tears creeping up.
I rose from my desk when "Golddigger" started to play. Monica, Annie, and I had spent countless hours in our homes and in the school parking lot learning our dance for Prom. When Prom came, we cleared the dance floor and performed for the entire junior and senior class.
"Hips Don't Lie", the song that used to make me laugh was one I couldn't listen to for months. After the falling out, I couldn't bear to listen to it. But now it was back on my iPod, playing in my dorm room.
Bianca Ryan begins to play and I feel my cheeks begin to redden, ironically just like the person who can never stop talking about her. I would never tell her, but Lys's odd obsession with the young singer, pushed me to download some of her songs which I secretly bop to.
"Give It to Me" began to play, but I couldn't help but close my eyes and laugh under my breath. It was a song from my childhood, but more recently of last semester. It was a song that reminded me of Missy, driving around, bowling, the pancake, and just mini dance parties in the Yulee Penthouse lounge. It wasn't just a dirty song sung by a horny early twenties male looking for fame. No, it was of a simpler time, before things got complicated. It reminded me of how hard Missy and I used to laugh, our talks out on the balcony ranging from laughing at a couple walking by to what happened to us in the past, driving around Gainesville looking for the damned bowling alley, impulsive two hours drives to Orlando to check out a haunted asylum, the list is endless. It reminded me that now that is gone, whether intentionally or not. I miss it. I miss the ease. I miss the comfortableness. I miss the simplicity of it all.
As I began to wind down, "Whenever You Remember" came on and I stopped reading. I didn't smile, I didn't get up. I just sat there and paid attention to every word that Carrie sang. Every word reminded me of the girls, the summer, the past year. I almost teared up because just like the songs on my iPod, those times were gone, but the memories remained. I can barely listen to that song nowadays, it reminds me too much of the girls. It makes me sad because I haven't seen most of them since October.
Ha, even now as I write this, my iPod is on shuffle and "Carrie" - Europe just came on.
I know I rely a little too much on music. It's my outlet, but I have come to realize life is a little like an iPod. You listen to a new song that you can't turn off just like you find a new friend and can't seem to peel yourself away. You fight with friends and no longer speak to them just like when a song gets overplayed on the radio, you may not delete the song off your iPod, but you always skip over it. You have groups of friends like playlists to fit your mood. You end relationships almost as if deleting your once favorite song from your iPod. You hit shuffle and next thing you know, you have found the best friends you will ever have.
I find that instead of looking through my songs for the perfect one, I hit shuffle and the best ones always pop up. When Carrie Underwood won American Idol, I didn't think I would find people who meant the world to me. They just showed up, almost like they were a secret playlist, I just had to scroll down to find them.
no words
from JesticleWood
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the band throwing up the L Dubs sign
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