Carrie Underwood.fm

Latest Blog Entries

• Finally I'm a SR member!!

  04/06/09 0 Comments

  Hahaha!!! It's about time I am officially a SR. member, Carrie is Entertainer of the Year and the best vacation EVER is coming up in a few months!!! LIFE IS GOOD!!!

  • Read More

• Weakness

  03/01/09 1 Comment

  I woke up this morning, should I try and get out of it? Nah, I'll give it a shot! I haven't entered church doors in many, many months! So, jump in the shower, actually blow dry and curl my hair! Ok, I'm ready! Drive the two blocks to the church, my friend hasn't arrived yet :( Ok, so I'll wait by the doors, shouldn't be too much longer. My introvertedness overcomes me, and I choose to speak to no one! No one seemed overly curious about me either, the good thing about bigger churches! Finally I see my friend coming in with her son. Oh no, I really have to do it now, there's no turning back. Realizing this my palms immediately start sweating! I know what is about to happen! I can hear the praise and worship music playing from the lobby and it sounds incredible. I step foot in the sanctuary and then it happens! The feelings overcome me, the presence of God is all around, I just wanted to burst into tears!!! I bite the inside of my cheek to hold back the emoitions that are so strong, that if I was to give myself over to them would require me to fall to my knees. I can't do that! Not here, not my first time!! We sit at the back because that is really the only seats left...HA!! If you can believe that!! Standing there listening to ppl praise and worship in their own ways was overwhelming in and of itself!! I won't allow myself to sing b/c that would require me to move my lips which would let the "cat out of the bag" and then the waterworks would start once again. Trying to keep myself from raising my hand to worship Him, I hold on to the chair in front of me, not quiet sure if it is to stablize me from falling or hold me down from rejoicing! Why do I have this conflict, why am I so afraid of showing weakness, brokeness? Humility in front of the Lord that is one thing, but humility in front of others! That's a whole new ballgame... Or is it? I want so badly to break free from the chains of this stagnant state!! Everything I have came to believe and participate in over the last decade of my life has told me it is not "feelings" that should guide your decisions, whether it be to raise your hand in worship or what car you should buy! I went to church out of obligation not out of desire. I went to church to see my friends and besides it's small enough; they'll notice if I'm not there (which isn't all bad!), but never, not once in those years of going to that church have I ever had the same reaction when walking through the doors. Then the sermon was about, get this, going to church!! Ha, ok I'm getting the message! You ever get that feeling that what they are saying is directed specifically toward you? Something else happened too, I laughed...like really laughed out loud! When has that happened in church before when I wasn't laughing at the children during the children's sermon? I thoroughly enjoyed the experience today and am glad that I went! I hope God will show me the way, help me find my church home and break away these chains so that I may worship Him in which ever way my heart compells!

  • Read More

• I need you to love me

  08/28/08 1 Comment

  I Need You To Love Me By: Barlow Girl

  Why, why are You still here with me Didn't You see what I've done? In my shame I want to run and hide myself But it's here I see the truth I don't deserve You

  [Chorus:] But I need You to love me, and I I won't keep my heart from You this time And I'll stop this pretending that I can Somehow deserve what I already have I need You to love me

  I, I have wasted so much time Pushing You away from me I just never saw how You could cherish me 'Cause You're a God who has all things And still You want me

  Your love makes me forget what I have been Your love makes me see who I really am Your love makes me forget what I have been

  Why can't I accept a loving God that is so willing to love me? He is so full of grace and mercy. I mean serously, look at what He has done! Look at what he continues to do for all of us! Take a look at His creation. There is absolutely no denying He exists, but why can't I just be humbled and BELIEVE that He wants and desires to love me? I haven't gotten to the end of the song yet where it talks about His love making me forget about what I've been...but perhaps one day I will allow the love only HE can bring envelope me so fully there is no escaping it. What a day that will be!

  • Read More

• Broken Toy

  08/22/08 0 Comments

  For whatever reason I have been thinking about my dad a lot lately. It is getting closer to his birthday so that could have something to do with it. I got out his journals he kept while in rehab and started reading through them again. It is so hard seeing the world the way he saw it. I'm not sure if he wrote this poem or not, it doesn't say at the end of it. I wish I would have read this sometime before he died and then I could have asked him. This poem struck me b/c it is so vulnerable and almost innocent. I thought I'd share it w/ all of you who decide to read it!

  "FREEDOM BUT NOT FREE" BROKEN TOY

  We served our country as best we could and when we came home, out name was mud. We came home to shouts and shame We'd lost the war in viet-nam.

  Now heaven help me through the night, In my dreams about the fire fight. I remember the pain, in dreams you see of ones who died, right next to me.

  Now twenty years after TET Some recognition, we finally get. They tell us now, we did our best To fight for who were oppressed.

  But even now, I hear it yet, In the eyes of those, who won't forget., You lost the war soldier boy, and now you're just a broken toy.

  • Read More

• Browse All